Learn How To Relax

 

Doesn't she look relaxed ? Why can't I feel this way?  We all have stress in our life. This can make us feel that we cannot relax or feel calm and be at peace with our self. It is important that we find effective ways to relax. We did just that. Here are proven steps that you can use to find that place of relaxation in your life.

1. Awareness

This is the step most people skip. Why? Because it feels like we already know the answer. You probably already think you know what makes you anxious.

But sometimes the situations, physical signs and emotions that accompany anxiety aren't as obvious as you might think. So try keeping a kind of 'anxiety journal', whether real or virtual. When do you feel anxious and what are the physical signs of anxiety?

Sometimes this stage on its own is enough to help people with their anxiety. As I never tire of saying, especially in the area of habits, self-awareness is the first step to change.

2. Breathing

If you've been reading PsyBlog for a while you'll know all about how both mind and body each feed back to the other. For example, standing confidently makes people feel more confident. Mind doesn't just affect body, body also affects mind.

It's the same with anxiety: taking conscious control of breathing sends a message back to the mind.

So, when you're anxious, which is often accompanied by shallow, quick breathing, try changing it to relaxed breathing, which is usually slower and deeper. You can count slowly while breathing in and out and try putting your hand on your stomach and feeling the breath moving in and out.

In addition, adopt whatever bodily positions you associate with being relaxed (although suddenly lying down before giving a talk in public might be a step too far!). Typically these are things like relaxing muscles, adopting an open stance to the world (unfold arms, hint of a smile).

3. Calming thoughts

It's all very well saying: "Think calming thoughts", but who can think of any calming thoughts when stressful situations are approaching and the heart is pumping?

The key is to get your calming thoughts ready in advance. They could be as simple as "Calm down!" but they need to be things that you personally believe in for them to be most effective. It's about finding what form of words or thoughts is right for you.

4. Increase activity

It might seem strange to say that the answer to anxiety is more activities, as we tend to think the answer to anxiety is relaxation and that involves doing less.

But, when unoccupied, the mind wanders, often to anxieties; whereas when engaged with an activity we enjoy, we feel better. Even neutral or somewhat wearing activities, like household admin, can be better than sitting around worrying.

The problem with feeling anxious is that it makes you less likely to want to engage with distracting activities. You see the problem.

One answer is to have a list of activities that you find enjoyable ready in advance. When anxiety hits at an inactive moment, you can go off and do something to occupy your mind.

Try to have things on your list that you know you will enjoy and are easy to get started on. For example, 'invent a time machine' may be biting off a tiny bit more than you can chew, but 'a walk around the block' is do-able.

5. Sleep skills

Often when people are anxious they have problems sleeping. Sometimes when you feel anxious there's nothing worse than lying in bed, in the dark, with only your own thoughts to occupy your attention.

And lack of sleep leads to anxiety about sleeping which can lead, paradoxically, to worse sleep.

Breaking out of this loop can be hard but practising 'sleep hygiene' can help. This is all about getting into good sleeping habits. I've covered this before in 6 Easy Steps to Falling Asleep Fast, so check that article out for the details.

These steps work and will assist you in learning how to relax. We would like to thank psyblog.org for their useful information concerning this topic. If you would like to contact me with any question or feedback, you can reach me by email.

Thank you for visiting us!
Joseph A. Jones

 

How to avoid Holiday Stress

Have you ever had that look on your face like that during the holidays ? Yes, we have another Holiday approaching us Easter. These holidays come at us quick and sometimes we feel depressed and even stressed just thinking about them. It is normal to feel this way. However, we do feel there are some ways that you can overcome these feelings. We found some practical advice that you can use from Mayo Clinic.

Tips to prevent holiday stress and depression

When stress is at its peak, it's hard to stop and regroup. Try to prevent stress and depression in the first place, especially if the holidays have taken an emotional toll on you in the past.

1. Acknowledge your feelings. If someone close to you has recently died or you can't be with loved ones, realize that it's normal to feel sadness and grief. It's OK to take time to cry or express your feelings. You can't force yourself to be happy just because it's the holiday season.
2. Reach out. If you feel lonely or isolated, seek out community, religious or other social events. They can offer support and companionship. Volunteering your time to help others also is a good way to lift your spirits and broaden your friendships.
3. Be realistic. The holidays don't have to be perfect or just like last year. As families change and grow, traditions and rituals often change as well. Choose a few to hold on to, and be open to creating new ones. For example, if your adult children can't come to your house, find new ways to celebrate together, such as sharing pictures, emails or videos.
4. Set aside differences. Try to accept family members and friends as they are, even if they don't live up to all of your expectations. Set aside grievances until a more appropriate time for discussion. And be understanding if others get upset or distressed when something goes awry. Chances are they're feeling the effects of holiday stress and depression, too.
5. Stick to a budget. Before you go gift and food shopping, decide how much money you can afford to spend. Then stick to your budget. Don't try to buy happiness with an avalanche of gifts. Try these alternatives: Donate to a charity in someone's name, give homemade gifts or start a family gift exchange.
6. Plan ahead. Set aside specific days for shopping, baking, visiting friends and other activities. Plan your menus and then make your shopping list. That'll help prevent last-minute scrambling to buy forgotten ingredients. And make sure to line up help for party prep and cleanup.
7. Learn to say no. Saying yes when you should say no can leave you feeling resentful and overwhelmed. Friends and colleagues will understand if you can't participate in every project or activity. If it's not possible to say no when your boss asks you to work overtime, try to remove something else from your agenda to make up for the lost time.
8. Don't abandon healthy habits. Don't let the holidays become a free-for-all. Overindulgence only adds to your stress and guilt. Have a healthy snack before holiday parties so that you don't go overboard on sweets, cheese or drinks. Continue to get plenty of sleep and physical activity.
9. Take a breather. Make some time for yourself. Spending just 15 minutes alone, without distractions, may refresh you enough to handle everything you need to do. Take a walk at night and stargaze. Listen to soothing music. Find something that reduces stress by clearing your mind, slowing your breathing and restoring inner calm.
10. Seek professional help if you need it. Despite your best efforts, you may find yourself feeling persistently sad or anxious, plagued by physical complaints, unable to sleep, irritable and hopeless, and unable to face routine chores. If these feelings last for a while, talk to your doctor or a mental health professional.

    Take control of the holidays

    Don't let the holidays become something you dread. Instead, take steps to prevent the stress and depression that can descend during the holidays. Learn to recognize your holiday triggers, such as financial pressures or personal demands, so you can combat them before they lead to a meltdown. With a little planning and some positive thinking, you can find peace and joy during the holidays.

These are wonderful strategies that anyone can use to have a more stress free holidays. Thank you to Mayo Clinic for their insight concerning this topic. If you would like to contact me with any question or feedback, you can reach me by email.

Thank you for visiting us!
Joseph A. Jones

How To Strengthen Your Relationships

Take a look at that picture. That looks like a couple that loves each other and has a strong relationship. During this month, that celebrates Valentines Day as a day of love, It might also be important that we  examine ways to strengthen your relationships year round not just for one day. These ideas should help you with that.


How to strengthen your loving relationship

Everyone’s relationship is unique, and people come together for many different reasons. But there are some things that good relationships have in common. Knowing the basic principles of healthy relationships helps keep them meaningful, fulfilling and exciting in both happy times and sad:

What makes a healthy love relationship?

• Staying involved with each other. Some relationships get stuck in peaceful coexistence, but without truly relating to each other and working together. While it may seem stable on the surface, lack of involvement and communication increases distance. When you need to talk about something important, the connection and understanding may no longer be there.
• Getting through conflict. Some couples talk things out quietly, while others may raise their voices and passionately disagree. The key in a strong relationship, though, is not to be fearful of conflict. You need to be safe to express things that bother you without fear of retaliation, and be able to resolve conflict without humiliation, degradation or insisting on being right.
• Keeping outside relationships and interests alive. No one person can meet all of our needs, and expecting too much from someone can put a lot of unhealthy pressure on a relationship. Having friends and outside interests not only strengthens your social network, but brings new insights and stimulation to the relationship, too.
• Communicating. Honest, direct communication is a key part of any relationship. When both people feel comfortable expressing their needs, fears and desires, trust and bonds are strengthened. Critical to communication are nonverbal cues—body language like eye contact, leaning forward or away, or touching someone’s arm.

Relationship advice tip 1: Keep physical intimacy alive

Touch is a fundamental part of human existence. Studies on infants have shown the importance of regular, loving touch and holding on brain development. These benefits do not end in childhood. Life without physical contact with others is a lonely life indeed

Studies have shown that affectionate touch actually boosts the body’s levels of oxytocin, a hormone that influences bonding and attachment. In a committed relationship between two adult partners, physical intercourse is often a cornerstone of the relationship. However, intercourse should not be the only method of physical intimacy in a relationship. Regular, affectionate touch­—holding hands, hugging, or kissing—is equally important.
Be sensitive to what your partner likes. While touch is a key part of a healthy relationship, it’s important to take some time to find out what your partner really likes. Unwanted touching or inappropriate overtures can make the other person tense up and retreat—exactly what you don’t want.

Relationship advice tip 2: Spend quality time together

You probably have fond memories of when you were first dating your loved one. Everything may have seemed new and exciting, and you may have spent hours just chatting together or coming up with new, exciting things to try. However, as time goes by, children, demanding jobs, long commutes, different hobbies and other obligations can make it hard to find time together. It’s critical for your relationship, though, to make time for yourselves. If you don’t have quality time, communication and understanding start to erode.

Simple ways to connect as a couple and rekindle love

• Commit to spending quality time together on a regular basis. Even during very busy and stressful times, a few minutes of really sharing and connecting can help keep bonds strong.
• Find something that you enjoy doing together, whether it is a shared hobby, dance class, daily walk, or sitting over a cup of coffee in the morning.
• Try something new together. Doing new things together can be a fun way to connect and keep things interesting. It can be as simple as trying a new restaurant or going on a day trip to a place you’ve never been before.

Couples are often more fun and playful in the early stages of a relationship. However, this playful attitude can sometimes be forgotten as life challenges or old resentments start getting in the way. Keeping a sense of humor can actually help you get through tough times, reduce stress and work through issues more easily.

Focus on having fun together

• Think about playful ways to surprise your partner, like bringing flowers or a favorite movie home unexpectedly.
• Learn from the “play experts” together. Playing with pets or small children can really help you reconnect with your playful side. If it’s something you do together, you also learn more about your partner and how he or she likes to have fun.
• Make a habit of laughing together whenever you can. Most situations are not as bleak as they appear to be when you approach them with humor.

Learning how to play again

A little humor and playful interaction can go a long way in relieving tense situations and helping you see the brighter side. If you’re feeling a little rusty, learn more about how playful communication can improve your relationship, and fun ways to practice this skill.

Relationship advice tip 3: Never stop communicating

Good communication is a fundamental part of a healthy relationship. When people stop communicating well, they stop relating well, and times of change or stress can really bring out disconnect. As long as you are communicating, you can work through whatever problem you’re facing.

Learn your partner’s emotional cues
Each of us is a little different in how we best receive information. Some people might respond better to sight, sound or touch. Your partner’s responses may be different from yours. Take some time to learn your partner’s cues, and be sure to communicate your own as well. For example, one person might find a brief massage after a stressful day a loving mode of communication—while another might just want to talk over a hot cup of tea.
So much of our communication is transmitted by what we don’t say. Nonverbal cues such as eye contact, leaning forward or away, or touching someone’s arm communicate much more than words. For a relationship to work well, each person has to be receptive to sending and receiving nonverbal cues. Learning to understand this “body language” can help you understand better what your partner is trying to say. Think about what you are transmitting as well, and if what you say matches what you feel. If you insist “I’m fine”, while clenching your teeth and looking away, your body is clearly signaling you are not.

Question your assumptions

If you’ve known each other for a while, you may assume that your partner has a pretty good idea of what you are thinking and what you need. However, your partner is not a mind-reader. While your partner may have some idea, it is much healthier to express your needs directly to avoid any confusion. Your partner may sense something, but it might not be what you need. What’s more, people change, and what you needed and wanted five years ago, for example, may be very different now. Getting in the habit of expressing your needs helps you weather difficult times, which otherwise may lead to increasing resentment, misunderstanding and anger.

Use your senses to keep stress in check

If you’re not calm and focused, you won’t be able to communicate effectively. The best way to reduce stress quickly and reliably is through the senses. But each person responds differently to sensory input, so you need to find things that are soothing to you.

Relationship advice tip 4: Healthy relationships are built on give and take

If you expect to get what you want 100% of a time in a relationship, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Healthy relationships are built on compromise. However, it takes work on each person’s part to make sure that there is a reasonable exchange.

Recognize what’s important to your partner

Knowing what is truly important to your partner can go a long way towards building goodwill and an atmosphere of compromise. On the flip side, it’s also important for your partner to recognize your wants and for you to state them clearly. Constantly giving to others at the expense of your own needs builds resentment and anger.

Don’t make “winning” your goal

If you approach your partner with the attitude that things have to be your way or else, it will be difficult to reach a compromise. Sometimes this attitude comes from not having your needs met while younger, or it could be years of accumulated resentment in the relationship reaching a boiling point. It’s alright to have strong convictions about something, but your partner deserves to be heard as well. You are more likely to get your needs met if you respect what your partner needs, and compromise when you can.

Learn how to respectfully resolve conflict

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but to keep a relationship strong, both people need to feel they’ve been heard. The goal is not to win but to resolve the conflict with respect and love.

• Make sure you are fighting fair.
• Don’t attack someone directly but use “I” statements to communicate how you feel.
• Don’t drag old arguments into the mix.
• Keep the focus on the issue at hand, and respect the other person.

Relationship advice tip 5: Expect ups and downs

It’s also important to recognize that there are ups and downs in every relationship. You won’t always be on the same page. Sometimes one partner may be struggling with an issue that stresses them, such as the death of a close family member. Other events, like job loss or severe health problems, can affect both partners and make it difficult to relate to each other. You might have different ideas of managing finances or raising children. Different people cope with stress differently, and misunderstanding can rapidly turn to frustration and anger.

Relationship advice for getting through life’s ups and downs

• Don’t take out your problems on your partner. Life stresses can make us short tempered. If you are coping with a lot of stress, it might seem easier to vent with your partner, and even feel safer to snap at him or her. Fighting like this might initially feel like a release, but it slowly poisons your relationship. Find other ways to vent your anger and frustration.
• Some problems are bigger than both of you. Trying to force a solution can cause even more problems. Every person works through problems and issues in his or her own way. Remember that you’re a team. Continuing to move forward together can get you through the rough spots.
• Be open to change. Change is inevitable in life, and it will happen whether you go with it or fight it. Flexibility is essential to adapt to the change that is always taking place in any relationship, and it allows you to grow together through both the good times and the bad.
• Don’t ignore problems. Whatever problems arise in a romantic relationship, it’s important to face them together as a couple. If an aspect of the relationship stops working, don’t simply ignore it but address it with your partner. Things change, so respond to them together as they do.

Romantic relationships require ongoing attention

Many couples focus on their relationship only when there are specific, unavoidable problems to overcome. Once the problems have been resolved they often switch their attention back to their careers, kids, or other interests. However, romantic relationships require ongoing attention and commitment for love to flourish. As long as the health of a romantic relationship remains important to you, it is going to require your attention and effort.

If you need more relationship help and advice

Sometimes problems in a relationship may seem too complex or overwhelming for a couple to handle on their own. In that case, it’s important to reach out together for help. There are a number of options available, including:

• Couples counseling. You might be considering couples counseling or marriage counseling. It’s a big investment, and time, energy, focus and commitment are needed from both people to make a difference. Both parties need to be willing and able to honestly communicate what you need, face issues arising in counseling and make changes. It’s important also that both people feel comfortable with the counselor.
• Spiritual advice. Some couples benefit from spiritual advice from a religious figure such as a pastor or rabbi. This tends to work best if both persons have similar convictions of faith and have a good relationship with the spiritual advisor.
• Emotional Intelligence building. Try using Helpguide's Bring Your Life into Balance mindfulness toolkit, a free utility for building emotional health and emotional intelligence. This in-depth course provides articles, videos, and audio meditations designed to help you put the skills of emotional intelligence and communication into practice.
• Individual therapy. Sometimes one person may need specialized help. For example, someone who is grieving the loss of a loved one may need counseling to help them process the grief. If your loved one needs help, don’t feel like you are a failure for not providing them everything they need. No one can fulfill everyone’s needs, and getting the right help can make a tremendous difference in your relationship.

This is so important that you use this information to build and grow that special relationship in your life. Thank You to HelpGuide.org for this invaluable information. If you would like to contact me with any question or feedback, you can reach me by email.

Thank you for visiting us!
Joseph A. Jones

How To Set Realistic Goals

Not to high or to low. We have heard this phrase numerous times. This phrase is useful when describing New Years resolutions and goal setting. It is important that you pick challenging goals not impossible ones or goals that are way to easy. So, we found some real useful information that you can use so you can set realistic goals for yourself and succeed this year.

Key #1 – Write Your Goals Down

Studies and surveys have shown that you are far more likely to achieve your goals if you write it down. I personally like to write my goals down and refer to them daily to keep them at the front of my mind.
Writing down our goals also helps make them real to us. If we just think about a goal, it’s not physically real – and it’s easy for us to change our minds. When we write it down however, the very act of writing helps us commit to the goals – and also gives us something we can visually see and reflect on.

 Key #2 – Set Short Term Milestones

Goals that are far out of reach are easy to procrastinate on and put off. It’s fine to have long term dreams – but in the short run, you should have regular mile stones as well.
For example, if your goal is to write a novel, rather than just saying you’ll write a novel this year and leave it at that, instead commit to a certain number of pages or words a month – these short term milestones will help you stay on track, and will make your long term goal much more manageable.

Key #3 – Be Specific

If your goal is to “lose weight” – how will you know when you’re done? Going along with the above of setting short term mile stones, even if your long term goal is “get in better shape” – you can still be specific such as “be in good enough shape to play football for two hours twice a week.”
The more specific you are, the better motivated you’ll be as you get closer to achieving your goal. With vague goals, it’s very easy to get discouraged, because you may not feel like you’re getting closer to due to having no clear end in sight.
Use specific, tangible words in your goals such as measurements and (if applicable) a date by which they will be accomplished.

Key #4 – Measure Actions as Well As Progress

Sticking with the theme of setting fitness goals, many people I know get frustrated when they set a specific goal such as “lose 20 pounds by summer” – and then fall short of their goal. While it’s good to have aggressive goals, in some situations it may be better to measure your actions instead of your progress.
So for example, instead of setting fitness goals based on pounds lost, you could set goals for the amount of cardio you do every week and whether you keep your calories below a certain threshold.
This is also good for vague goals that may be difficult to measure, such as achieving proficiency playing a sport or playing an instrument. Setting goals based on perhaps 1 or 2 hours of practice a day may be more helpful than simply saying “get better before school starts.”

Key #5 – Start With Just One Goal

A classic mistake that I see over and over, and that I’ve made many times myself, is to be overzealous and try to change too many things at one time. You may decide you want to turn your life around and set out to accomplish a laundry list of goals at once.
Unfortunately, trying to accomplish too many things at once is frequently a recipe for failure. For most people, changing too many aspects of their lives requires an overwhelming amount of willpower, and ends up being unrealistic.
I prefer the approach advocated in Zen To Done – set one goal at a time, and then as you get that goal under control, slowly add more goals into the mix.

Key #6 – Schedule In Time For Your Goals

If you don’t make time for your goals, you’ll never accomplish them – it’s as simple as that. Along those sames lines, generally speaking, the more time you allocate per day to your goal, the faster you’ll achieve it.
Rather than leave it to chance, I recommend scheduling a specific time every day for your goal. I think this is part of the reason why organized sports and personal trainers are so effective for people looking to improve their fitness – the activity has a set block of time on their schedule, and so people attend regularly.
My bias is towards working on goals first thing in the morning – but find the schedule that works for you.

Key #7 – Set Goals You Actually Want To Achieve

 Rumor has it that a philosopher in Europe once posted this message on his telephone answering machine:

“This device is programmed to ask two simple questions:
Who are you and what do you want?
Most people live their entire lives without ever answering either one.”
– from The Magic Lamp: Goal Setting For People Who Hate Setting Goals

This last key took me a long time to learn, and I think really is the most important on the list. Don’t set goals because you think you “should” or because they “sound good.”
Look at your life and the direction you want it to take – set goals that you realistically can achieve, but more important – pick goals you want to achieve.

This is real practical information that you can use to set goals and accomplish them. A big thank you goes to Sid Savara that specializes in personal development.If you would like to contact me with any question or feedback, you can reach me by email.

Thank you for visiting us!
Joseph A. Jones